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Health & Fitness

I Have Legs of Fy-ah!

Yours truly is limping around after an exceptionally tough workout.

It all started about two weeks ago when I was minding my own business on the treadmill at . Suddenly, this kid hopped on the treadmill next to me, trying to get my attention. I could tell by his black warm-up outfit, fauxhawk hairstyle and fancy athletic shoes that he was a personal trainer. I assumed he was here to kick me off the treadmill because they were reserved for a class.

No.

Instead, personal trainer Don wanted to school me on the latest and greatest exercises using free weights and various other fitness gadgets. He explained he had seen me around and noticed I stuck mainly to the treadmill and weight machines. I wondered for a brief moment whether to be skeeved out that someone had been secretly cruising my routine from a distance. But Don seemed nice enough, and it was true that I was getting a little bored with the same 'ol, same 'ol. So we set a date and time for me to learn my new fitness regimen. 

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First Don put me to work on a leg machine, which he compared to a La-Z-Boy since it was allegedly so comfortable. The giveaway should have been the evil grin he had on his face (okay, it wasn't evil, it was more ... devilish). I don't know what kind of furniture Don has in his home, but the last time I checked, La-Z-Boys don't have bars sticking out from the sides from which one can stack weights and push with the legs. We did three sets on the La-Z-Boy leg machine, combined with squat-jumps in between. My thighs started to simmer.

Then he asked me if I'd be interested in learning some different exercises using free weights and this funny device called a Bosu ball, which looks like a beach ball chopped in half. It's used for balancing exercises and strengthing one's core. At first, the hardest part was balancing on the thing. Once I got the hang of it, Don had me do more squats while wobbling around, balancing my weight. Oh this isn't hard, I thought, much easier than that last machine. I was relieved. Then I got off the ball.  

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Oh holy $%&@.

If you've ever done something mildly stupid, like pop a hot pepper into your mouth, you're aware of those few seconds when your decision doesn't seem like a bad one. Then those few seconds are up and your whole head is on fire. That's sort of what happened to me, except it was the legs. But we weren't finished.

We moved on to a thin green mat on the floor. The Bosu ball followed us, much to my dismay. Don asked me how I was doing, and I told him I was fine, even though at this point, I was walking like a robot cowboy: my legs felt jellylike and bendable yet stiff as steel at the same time. He figured I must be okay because I hadn't hurled expletives at him yet. People like to swear at Don. 

I learned some abdominal exercises laying across the Bosu ball, then it was more squats, except this time I had two dumbells in my hands. We did this tough-guy looking exercise where I situated myself into a push-up position, except my hands were wrapped around the dumbells instead of flat on the floor. I had to alternate lifting the weights to shoulder height, which works the back muscles. And yes, it's way harder than it looks.

An hour later, I was sweaty, kind of dizzy, but thoroughly worked out. I didn't swear at Don. Not out loud, at least. I'm rarely a quitter, and I'm glad I stuck it out till the end. Today my legs are hungover, but it was all worth it. If you see me at Lifetime squatting, balancing, lifting, and grinning through it all, it's thanks to Don.

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